life afterward - a poem

i was
abused
as a kid
for many years

i figured
i got off easy
because it was
mental, emotional
psychological abuse

compared to others
it sounds like
less of a horror

but i used to wish
he would hit me
so the marks would be seen
so i could fight back
VISIBLY
so it would be obvious
that he was an asshole

and i Did fight back
with every honorable
tactic i could muster
and nothing availed.

and he was the one
who held the power
so i never learned
that there could
be another way

now that it has been
over a decade
now that i have
torn out all remains
of him from my body
now that i have
torn out of my life
those who acted
the same

i am reborn.

not in a glorious way
not in a video montage
celebrate and rejoice
kind of way

i am reborn
like everyone else
vastly confused
unsure how to function

surprised
every morning
that the world still exists
beyond abuse

i clung to that hope
because it was
the only way
to keep fighting
but i didn't believe it

though it was true

it's quite literally
a whole new world
now
that i can live for myself
that i can have
a purpose
beyond surviving
beyond getting free
beyond
the most necessary fight
i can fight for fun, now.

i'm not so great at it
yet,
but i'm learning.
and since the world
seems to keep existing
every morning
i guess i've got
plenty of time
to figure it out...

so let's go.