goodbye winter

march is already one third over. in two weeks it will be spring. despite Intentions to the contrary, my winter ended up involving a good bit of hibernation, indulgence, and resting up. but spring is just around the edge of days, and i'm trying to kick myself back into a higher gear to handle it smoothly.

i enjoyed a wonderful ten-day trip to virginia thanks to my friend fiver, who bought me a round trip bus ticket and hosted me at acorn. it was such a pleasure to catch up with friends, family, and lovers, to sleep in the cuddle collective, to give and receive so many enthusiastic hugs. to be around for validation day! which is way fun in community, and just to be on vacation -ahh- i am so lucky. you can see some pictures from my trip over here, in my flickr set.

while it seems like a big vacation should be kind of a standalone big update, it's really just one more piece of the pie. i have been moving forward on work in my two new part time jobs (one redesigning a web site for a local business, another acting as admin for an ecovillage design course happening at dr this summer), writing out lists of tasks to prioritize once i am back on the land, processing some of the 4 fleeces (sheep, alpaca) that i have had since last year, generally organizing, cleaning up, and packing my room, tying up loose ends to make life easier once i'm in the shed again, re-adjusting to sleeping on a cot since i'm getting rid of the twin bed i got at auction a few months ago, joining dancing rabbit's vehicle co-op so i have better transportation options in the future, and doing my best to support a loved one in a really tough situation.

so that's the super-condensed version of where i'm at. starting tomorrow i will be on the land for a week, and will hopefully move most, if not 99%, of my belongings out there during that time. i'll hopefully also enjoy an extended visit with a partner, get computer work done, build a chicken coop, and magically have the shed set up for spring living by the end of that week. hah. wish me luck!

2012 projects on my homestead

during my recent visit to virginia and while catching up with friends in general, i've been fielding a Lot of questions about my living situation, goals, and plans out on the land. you can get a decent sense of my current lifestyle from my youtube channel (youtube.com/user/pipdiddly), flickr page (flickr.com/photos/pipdiddly), and here at my blog.

i'm going to do my best to summarize my many and varied plans and ideas for 2012. i'm hoping this will help folks who are planning to visit so they know what they'll be getting into, what resources/skills might be helpful, and what they might want to focus on while they're here. feel free to ask questions about any of this, since it'd take a few solid pages to really describe these projects, my ideas for them, and the resources available fully.

shelter

• shed modification right now my shed has three metal walls, a pallet wood floor, a wonky bed platform, a counter, and a partially complete northern awning. i want to have fully thatched awnings on the north and west side (where the worst weather comes from). i want some sort of earthen plaster over the pallet floor to level it out and keep mice from coming up through it. i want to make a wattle frame on the walls and fill them in with some sort of clay-straw infill for a bit of temperature regulation. this also includes building a fourth wall. i want to seal the gaps around the roof edges somehow also. and in that fourth wall, put in one of those cool 1/2 doors, where the bottom and top swing separately. i'd also like to put a window into the southern wall somehow.
• summer hut i want to build a summer hut down in the creek bottom, since it's about ten degrees cooler down there. right now i imagine it being raised on osage posts (sunk deep because of potential for erosion), possibly with space for some livestock to shelter underneath. i want it to have a steep, conical reciprocal roof that's thatched with native grasses. the walls will be roll-down burlap (i have the burlap, it needs the seams ripped and then re-sewn into what will basically be huge curtains) so breezes can come through but keep bugs out. the floor will be wood of some sort. inside i'd like there to be some sort of desk/table space, mouse proof food storage, and a bed that can sleep at least three adults (it may be fold out or otherwise collapsible so it wouldn't have to be full sized all the time). outside there should be cooking space, and possibly a test-gutter system under the thatch to see if rain catchment from thatch is feasible. there will be rain barrels nearby that can be filled from the creek when it's flooding. there'll also have to be some sort of stairs going up to the hut.
• winter den i want to build a winter den In the southern facing slope on my land. my goal is to get to ground temperature (54 degrees) which requires going down/in a few feet. the general plan for this shelter is for it to be constructed like a mandan earth lodge, but on a much smaller scale. this means excavating (by hand), then edging the excavated foundation with roundwood timbers, creating a stemwall at ground level with roundwood timbers, and then probably making a reciprocal roof on top of those. then all those timbers are covered on the outside with branches, then with grasses, and then with the clay that was excavated. i would like to set a few water and food storage barrels horizontally into the ground with access inside the den. otherwise, inside there needs to be table/desk space, cooking space, food storage space, some sort of (optional?) heat source (whether wood stove, open fire with hole in the ceiling, or earthen stove of some sort), and a bed that sleeps at least three adults (see above about possibly collapsible/folding/gets smaller bed).

animals

• chickens i currently have 6 laying hens and 1 rooster (barred rocks and dominiques). sometime in march i'll be receiving 8 mixed gender red caps. the first batch of chickens should start laying sometime in march or april. they need a shelter. right now my idea is to make them a super tiny version of my winter den (see above) with a focus on adequate ventilation and some groovy sort of handmade nesting boxes inside. i would like to have established paddocks for livestock, but the chickens will probably roam free during the day for now and be put in their coop at night until fencing happens.
• bees i would like to get bees, possibly this year - if not this year, definitely next. to that end, i want to build a few top bar bee hives in preparation and keep an ear out in case anyone's hives swarm and there are bees to be had. i may also consider using a trick i read about to locate a wild hive and relocate it.
• goats i want to acquire two dairy goats either this year or next year (more likely next year). they will need Serious fencing and a shelter, which i hope to plan and start preparing this year.
• fencing/paddocks i don't want to use metal fencing. i know that sounds crazy, but i think it can be done. my long term plan is to grow hedgerows, so that will start this year. i know generally where they ought to go, but am not sure how big to make each paddock yet. there is a ton of osage on the land, so starting hedgerows this year will mostly consist of gathering osage oranges, mashing them up, and making up a water-osage orange slurry to pour into roughed up soil and then mark where it's been spread so those hedgerow lines can be monitored and supported in their growth. i may also start more immediate fencing by digging trenches and burying in wooden posts, and also by planting tons of rows of willow/bamboo/cottonwood cuttings that will grow super fast.

gardening/planting/food production

• annuals i'll be starting seeds for many annual vegetables that will go into three established gardens. my focus is on hardy and low care varieties, especially those that are prolific producers for fresh eating or lacto preservation.
• herbs i'm ordering starts of some herbs, and will be attempting to start some perennial herbs from seed as well. basil seems to do well here, so i'll plant that also. i currently only have a patch of creeping thyme as far as perennial herbs go, and would like to establish a wide range of perennials for culinary and medicinal use. this may involve laying out and creating completely new garden spaces devoted to herbs.
• trees i have already ordered over 300 trees to be planted all over the land. they'll arrive in march and april, and will need to be planted and then mulched a few times throughout the year. in past years i have planted almost 400 Other trees, and my hope is that through a number of land walks those can be identified and mulched thoroughly so they do well and don't get lost in the grasses or mowed accidentally. i also have about 30 fruit tree rootstocks in a nursery bed that should get moved to a more ideal location this year. some of the trees that i'll be planting will be soft grafters that will eventually be trained to grow together as living archways over my paths, or as living shelter. i also want to plan and plant a ritual grove.
• trapping i'd like to experiment with trapping rabbits this year as a way to get furs to practice tanning, and as food for humans and for my dog.
• preservation/fermentation i want to continue experimenting with lacto fermentation as a way to store and improve the nutritive value and excitement factor of the food that i'm growing. this will definitely involve cabbage, carrots, and garlic - hopefully lots of other things, too.

pond

• i want to dig a pond by hand, either above or below the trees in my draw. while digging May start happening this year, in general i need to check out that part of the land more carefully, do research, and make more specific plans for size, type, depth, etc. of pond.

other building projects

• tent platforms i'd like to build a few tent platforms to make it easier and more comfortable for folks to camp on the land. they may or may not be covered.
• bath shelter i want to build some sort of simple curved wall sort of thing to enclose a shower/bathing space. it'll probably involve a few posts set into the ground and then lots of willow or other flexible saplings woven into a privacy wall. probably won't have a roof for now.

other stuff

• scything cutting grass with a scythe is called scything, something i ought to do a lot more of. this is how i get all my mulch for my gardens, trees, and for covering my waste in my compost pile. it's pretty easy work, and can be really fun if you get your stance down. scything is always followed by lots of raking and then moving the mulch either to the nearest trees or to a mulch bin or gardens.
• painting i'm painting a number of wooden supports in the shed with a base coat that matches the ceiling. once that's done i want to paint awesome henna designs in vivid colors all over. because i'm planning to plaster the inside of the shed, i'll have to think carefully about which bits of wood will still be visible once that project is done.
• basketry i want to continue experimenting with making baskets out of materials from the land. so far i've only used jute twine and reed's canary grass (it grows like crazy in the bottomland). would also like to try willow basketry.
• hide tanning there's a good chance i'll come upon hides via roadkill, local hunters, or trapping on the land, and will continue practicing hide tanning to make either furs or buckskin.
• primitive skills i'd like to experiment with other primitive skills, like making useful things out of bones (from that roadkill i mentioned a minute ago), sinews, etc. also fire starting.

• herbal medicine i want to continue respectfully harvesting wild medicinal herbs from the land to make into oils, salves, tinctures, and teas.
• beds i want to make mattresses out of straw. they may be mattress covers made of burlap and stuffed with straw, and then covered with fabric before having sheets/blankets put on. will start with one for my current shelter, but will hopefully improve design and make two more for the summer and winter shelters.
• wool processing i have a huge bag of wool (7 fleeces that i split with a friend) that needs to be picked, carded, and spun into yarn. the yarn can then be used as general thread/cordage material, sold as a product to nearby folks, or knit/crocheted/whatever into useful items.
• paper/ink making i'd like to experiment with making paper either from existing paper scraps or from native plant fibers. i also want to experiment with making ink for writing from local materials like walnut hulls, pokeberry, and oak galls.
• soap making i want to get my hands on some lard or tallow and make soap the old school way so i don't have to buy dr. bronner's anymore. i'll also be planting soapwort again to see if i can establish that as a useful soap-producing plant.

okay, my brain is shutting down, so i'm going to stop for now. i think that's most of the list, though. i will add exciting pictures to give you a better idea of what some of those items might look like. if you're planning a visit this year, please comment and let me know what you're excited to work on and any questions you might have.

untitled

written on the bus from virginia to missouri, 2-21-12

let me burn.
light the wick and spur my fusion
dig in your nails
and drag the fire along my skin

this is my place of worship,
homage to tooth and claw
sink your teeth in, leave me marked and marred.

this testament to my body - this is my healing.
every mark proof of lust and longing sated,
every tear a path to pure existence

mark me, mar me, lover. leave me souvenirs.
my skin is your proving ground -
yours to claim until i am healed again.

cover me
while you can.

an attempt to communicate

written on the bus from virginia to missouri, 2-21-12

do my looks please you?
very well. you are welcome to look.
do not touch unless you are prepared to be mauled.

there is a lioness sleeping just under my skin.
she sleeps lightly,
and delights in the use of claw and tooth.
her rage has been stored long, caged as she was in my father's house.

so when i come to you naked -
take a moment, before your oblivion, to note
the heap of armor by my side.
if i come to you naked, take note -
i have removed my plate mail, my chain mail, my padded leather,
my elven tunic, my amulets and charms
to give you the best part of my self.
the sacred rage, my survival.

if when i succumb to you, i whimper - take note.
i have moved mountains to release that wisp of long caught air,
have been long years battling to allow that softer sound.
take it not as weakness.
it is a sacred gift.

if i allow you to share a heavy load,
allow you the use of your broad shoulders
because my knees have gone weak, take note.
it is only because i have spent long years
battling the sexist hordes, have been swinging shields with every step to come so far.

so when you feel my weight on you, i beg of you, lover, take note.
it is not the weight of baggage.
if you feel frustration, run now, before i leave you in pieces.
see the heap of shields i set aside to lie with you, and know -
when i come to you naked, i come sharing what is most sacred and most secret in me.
what is most hated and most feared - my rage. and my ability to show weakness.

so, lover, when i share with you a concern, a fear
and you meet my eyes with grace, take note -
to reveal this need to you, or ANY vulnerability,
has cost my soul a great price. i have hung over that precipice one hundred times,
and i am weary of climbing back up alone,
supported only by my will and the words of other women.

when you have truly met me, and have not run or cowered,
i will look upon you as mighty,
and will delight to loose myself in rapture upon you.
and though you will end up in pieces, take note -
that my fire is a healing blaze,
and i will mend your long wounds with salve and tonic, tongue and touch,
and you will rise the mightier for it.

and so shall we both rise in glory to the gods.

on being a vessel

written 1-29 to 1-30-12


grief
falls through me,
as sand through the sieve,

and i find
that
some of it is
of a larger grain
than i expected.

it gets caught there,
above my diaphragm.

or maybe i cradle it there,
righteous in my suffering.

either way, some of it sticks,
clumping and riddled with pebbles,

stuck
in the sieve
of my heart,
until i let loose
the flow of fire water,
relax the weave
of my soul,
and let it go.

reflection to rise

written 1-24-12


a shed,
   a woman,
     a quest toward a whole life.

bugs - yes. work - yes.

but also
frolicking, tall grasses,
  fields of goldenrod, wild rose, daisy,
        friends with upturned faces.

but also
  a choir at dusk,
the laying on of hands,
the communal nesting instinct
   of forest prey
              remembered
  and rejoiced.

pain - yes.
   in the service of a dream.

fear - yes. and
  the triumph
    of walking through it,

no matter the posture

and finding yourself brave.

guilt - yes.
at the hands of the eternal patriarch,
solemnly laid to rest once -
    not for all. but he is gone
   from me now,
                   and so -

no

  longer

am i the reflection
              the molded shape
                    the cowering brave one
                   with clenched fist
              WAITING to explode.

now
   my time has come,
  has fully dawned,
      broken horizon
 with cries of joy and lust

            to blaze unburdened
                            over field
                            and pond
                            and forest

restrained by none
       the outflow pure and shimmering
           with all -

rage              joy     utter despair       love
 passion     guilt           longing

     and all the bold certainty of

                      the sun.

day forty two

that's the universal answer, right? to the ultimate question? forty two. i've had a lot of questions in my head lately, a lot of answers, excuses, ideas, and paths laid out before me. this'll probably sound scattered, but since i live in all directions i think it's fitting.

sugar -

i am eating sugar again, though only in the form of 70 or higher % chocolates, ideally (but not always) in very small quantities. there was an evening recently during which i tasted my first reese's since giving up sugar, and it tasted Disgusting. like oil. i could barely taste anything beyond the oil. it was not at all satisfying, much as my subconscious, pleading, addicted self may have wanted it to be. i am ashamed to admit that despite tasting horrible, i still ate the last of my stash, a few pieces at a time, over about two weeks. i also ate a sub type sandwich a few days ago (out of lazy desperation because i hadn't thawed meat and didn't want to go all the way to the grocery store on foot or by bike to get something fresh to cook), my first grains in quite a while. i didn't notice any obvious impacts on my health, but i'm still otherwise sticking to the no sugar, no grains idea, and though i've had starches, i don't eat them often or in great quantity.

addiction -

i find that mostly my desire for sweets is a desire for succor, ritual, an expected and trusted response to stress. but it's really just the process, not even the specific food item anymore - much of the time over the last year or two i have gone through the ritual of preparing a treat only to find i am not very interested in eating it, which ruins the emotional satisfaction of the process. if i could apply the consistency of my addiction to a positive habit, i could accomplish much. i've got a handful of pages on marksdailyapple.com bookmarked for reading later, about common junk foods, their effects on our bodies, ways to transition away from them, etc.

adornment -

i got tattoos recently, on my wrists. they're simple bands of chevrons that have ritual meaning for me, mostly focused on the flow of energy, and serving as a reminder to me that life is dynamic and always moving, and that it requires space for this movement as well as gentle direction, not restriction. the tattoos are a way to keep stagnant energy at bay, and a reminder of my place in the world as one small, single creature. i'm really happy that i had seamus do them for me, and really glad that i have a partner who Does tattoos at all, and especially does them by hand rather than with a gun. these wrist pieces are my second and third tattoos, and i am really pleased that none of them have been done with a machine.

i've also got some adornment plans for the near future - both branding and scarification. i'll share more about them once they actually happen and i can share some pictures with you.


technology -

i've done some more work toward reducing my internet presence, mostly just posting and gathering information, but i did successfully delete two myspace accounts. i re-cancelled netflix after enjoying a month of streaming movies, but don't want to indulge that habit or lose money to it, especially with spring around the corner anyway. i'm consider tumblr as a potential good resource for a space to share words, pictures, and video from one account without having to maintain ties to companies that creep me out. if you have any experiences with or opinions about tumblr, i'd be happy to hear them. my next big steps are to archive various e-mails and conversations and bits of information from the internet into simple computer files, and then eventually choose what to print for safekeeping. i also still want to choose a big handful of photos to print and store for the future, since regular computer access is not something i want for my future, but i Do want my photographic journey stored in some way that i can share with others.

creation -

i made my new journal for the year a few nights ago, and am really fond of it already. it has a new type of spiral binding that i hadn't tried before. i'm looking forward to finding out where i'm at in life by the time this journal is full... i definitely came a long way from the start of the last journal in september of 2010. i'm also glad that this is the third journal i've made by hand. my mind drifts forward to the day when i can look through a shelf full of hand made journals full of dreams, memory, stories, songs, plans, drawings, recipes, trials, and inspiration from years of homesteading.

preparation -

i put in an order with the missouri dept. of conservation for 250 trees. i spent less money on them than last year, which helps my budget a bit, but they were also out of smooth sumac, which i was excited about as a healthy beverage source. hopefully i can figure out a good way to propagate some of the local wild sumac instead. i'm also considering putting in a $300-some order with 'edible landscaping', a nursery in virginia that i know and trust. i'd get only fifty-some plants/trees/canes, but they're all more rare and cultivated things that would be very tasty and would go further toward providing great foods for me than a lot of the natives that i buy from the conservation dept.

scheming -

the weather here has been unseasonably warm, and has me thinking of the dozens of tasks i want to put work into on the land this year. digging post holes and getting more awnings up around the shed, harvesting reed's canary grass for thatching, plastering up the inside of the shed, digging out a winter hut and building a summer hut down by the creek, planting what will one day become living arches over paths and living shelters for gathering and ritual, planting berry canes and strawberries and fencing in more garden space as well as establishing new bed spaces around where my one-day house will be, finalizing a pond location and planning excavation (by hand), planning my Twenty Fifth birthday party, setting up shelter for my chickens and hopefully for dairy goats... you get the idea. lots to do. it's easy to have motivation when i'm stuck indoors and working a job. my deepest hope is that this motivation will carry over into the growing season, and that i will accomplish as many of my dreams as possible this year.

employment -

i've started another part time job, doing web site work for a local company that makes drum carders and wool pickers for folks who process their own fiber. it's exciting work and a good challenge, and should provide enough of a boost to my budget that i can afford the extra trees, and maybe to pay a bit on my student loans. i may also be hired to help a neighbor plant a thousand or so trees, which would give me a comfortable financial cushion that i could really use. it's scary going into my second year on the land and not knowing how well i will stick to my budget, how much i can transition toward sustaining myself on the land (at this point, mostly through growing veggies and having a few eggs, in the future, providing much more thoroughly for my needs), and whether my ultimate annual financial needs can be met in a way that doesn't make me hate my life or the wasting of my hours. since i have been a legal adult and living on my own, i have lived on at Most six-thousand dollars per year (and that, i think, is an overestimate). the past two years i have lived on maybe five thousand per year. this coming year i plan to live on under four thousand, and this year and last a decent chunk of that money was intended for paying off land. if i can provide more and more of my own sustenance year by year, maybe by the time the land is paid off (four years from now?) i will live on so little that it can easily be supplied within the local community. that's my dream and plan, anyway.

numen/power/the sacred -

i spend a lot of time thinking about who i am, how i came to be this way, how i want to be in the future, and how to get there. as a leo through and through, i have a strong sense of justice, of heroic displays, of wanting to lead an epic life. adornment and visuals are a big part of that for me - if i become accustomed to Looking epic, magical, powerful, my ideal of myself, it becomes a more commonplace thought in my existence that i Am those things, and better live up to them by living my best self. every year of thought, study, travel, journaling, food changes, gardening, and struggle has brought me closer to my ideal life and my ideal self. that life/self is one spent as much as possible in 'nature' or outdoors, in close, sacred connection with the land, supporting the land and being supported by it, working magic in my life and the lives of others in a healthy, positive way, and providing for myself as simply as possible so as not to support systems of hate, corruption, and needless death and destruction. it's simple, but not easy, and has turned out to be a long and rather winding path. i feel incredibly blessed to be looking forward to spending most of my year ON that land, feeling a response and even friendship from it, and finding myself still taking steps in the direction of health and an improving ability to walk firmly and courageously toward the dream of my future.

there are probably things i'm forgetting that i meant to include in this post. i'm off from work for the next two days, if i remember more i'll add it, and will also add a few pictures to break up all those long, introspective paragraphs. thanks for reading. i hope you'll comment about where you're at in your journey, if our paths are parallel or crossing. hearing from other seekers is often what keeps me going.