life afterward - a poem

i was
abused
as a kid
for many years

i figured
i got off easy
because it was
mental, emotional
psychological abuse

compared to others
it sounds like
less of a horror

but i used to wish
he would hit me
so the marks would be seen
so i could fight back
VISIBLY
so it would be obvious
that he was an asshole

and i Did fight back
with every honorable
tactic i could muster
and nothing availed.

and he was the one
who held the power
so i never learned
that there could
be another way

now that it has been
over a decade
now that i have
torn out all remains
of him from my body
now that i have
torn out of my life
those who acted
the same

i am reborn.

not in a glorious way
not in a video montage
celebrate and rejoice
kind of way

i am reborn
like everyone else
vastly confused
unsure how to function

surprised
every morning
that the world still exists
beyond abuse

i clung to that hope
because it was
the only way
to keep fighting
but i didn't believe it

though it was true

it's quite literally
a whole new world
now
that i can live for myself
that i can have
a purpose
beyond surviving
beyond getting free
beyond
the most necessary fight
i can fight for fun, now.

i'm not so great at it
yet,
but i'm learning.
and since the world
seems to keep existing
every morning
i guess i've got
plenty of time
to figure it out...

so let's go.

Comments

Really powerful poem. This part took my breath away:

i am reborn.

not in a glorious way
not in a video montage
celebrate and rejoice
kind of way

i am reborn
like everyone else
vastly confused
unsure how to function
Shana said…
i really identify and appreciate your writing. God bless you, girlie.

Shana in Cali
hennalion said…
thank you, Shana, and thank you Yarrow.

i've been glad to have new words coming to me about these things. they've been heaving around in me for over half of my life now and it is still helpful to spit some of them out now and then :)

i'm glad they still bring insight, inspiration, and pauses in respiration :D

my very ambitious hope is that my sharing will contribute to other folks being able to see their lives in a way that allows for new movement or growth towards healing, for us and for the world we share.
Shana said…
wildflower, wildflower...
opening in the warmth of the sun...
your seeds of hope scattered in the breath of the wind...
a promise of the beauty and life to come
hope is not lost - joy has won


:)
with love