in ritual

feel me
feel my sluggishness
           sleepiness
            stillness
is this a lack
            or a refilling, recharging?

do i need to be still?
or is this reprehensible?
shameful?
a waste of the freedom of time, money saved,
effort?

i feel a need for clarity
a need to feel that i am not judging myself.

but the   urgency
of money, the need for it,
the winter cycling closer

the wheel spins on
some tasks step me forward
maintain balance
on the spinning wheel
some seem beyond it
or many spins from now

so what do i do?
where do i focus?
on sleep, stillness, awareness, recharging?
on action, motion, progress, achievement?
on preparation, money, stability?

i can let go of     why
   have done it before

but i need the whats and the hows and the oomph

please              i need them.