winter descending

we've had our first snow out here at acorn. it looks beautiful. after this post i'll put freshly charged batteries into my camera and trek out to take some photos to share with you.

there's been a lot going on for me lately. nux and i broke up in early november after over a year of partnership. the logistics of splitting up our joint purchases combined with living in community together is often overwhelming. thankfully, we're pretty good at talking things out, and are still on decent terms. i'm glad neither of us is the screaming-and-throwing-things type.

i've done another henna gig recently. back in november there was a baby shower, though i'm still waiting on pictures. and several nights ago, i donated my time to art180, an organization in richmond that pairs local artists up with underprivileged students in afterschool programs, giving them a place to let their creativity flow. the silent auction event was a great success - you can read more about it at artisan henna. unfortunately, just before going in to the event my camera batteries died, and so i don't have pictures. disappointing, i know.


also in late november (the 25th, to be exact) my beloved cat Mousetrap died. she was 18 years old, and had been beset over the past year and a half by kidney disease. she declined quickly in her last few days, and so her suffering was short, and i was there taking extra good care of her as she passed away. luckily nux is such a good lady - she was here holding me in the aftermath, making everything okay. Mousetrap was my closest friend since age 4, and i don't really know what to do with myself now that i don't have her in my life anymore. this picture is one of the last i took of her - lounging in a sunny window in the seed office here at acorn.

what else? i've been doing a lot of spelunking... well, not the cool kind of spelunking. i've finally been able to go into my personality and pull out all the patterns that i created as a child to deal with my alcoholic father. i've found they're not quite as helpful now that i'm in a positive environment. i feel like i've had my personality ripped away - much of what i presented to the world as 'me' was really more of a facade and a desperate attempt to have some measure of control over what happened to me (not to mention an attempt to be anything BUT what my father was like). now i'm finding that i don't always have to be nice or do things for people, that i can stop and listen to what i actually want, and that it's okay for me to have negative emotions other than sadness. it's been years and years since i really let myself be angry.

so i feel pretty empty these days, in an internal sort of way. there are great people around me, being supportive and offering encouragement. but after starting to break those old patterns, and splitting up with nux, and letting go of Mousetrap, it's hard to realize there could be anything left inside of me. i'm listening hard and hoping that soon i'll start to get a notion of what i'm actually like underneath all those layers of defense and coping mechanisms.

and on top of all that, i'm sick. sore throat, runny/stuffy nose, head pounding... heh. when it rains, it pours.

i'm sure this post is heavy enough as it is, so i'll let you go now. i'll try to find some pretty pictures to share with you to lighten things back up =)

i hope you're enjoying the end of fall and ready to pull out your favorite mugs and hot cocoa.

Comments

risa said…
Beddah soon.

Here is a shot of Marley in honor of Mousetrap.

Marley's previous life was full of stresses that led to strategies that don't fit her life here, and she's slowly learning to let down her guard with us. Reminds me of someone! ;)
hennalion said…
thank you risa =)

what a lovely sewing corner, in that early sunlight. i think every sewing corner needs a sunbathing kitty.